I have to say this first challenge has been hard for me. Not that my goals are necessarily hard but it's mentally adjusting to them. Like they are guests in my home that I need to make room for. It's been a process. I have a real rebellious voice inside of me that tends to be resistant to change. Even when I completely believe in the pathway I want to follow it's still difficult to go against a coping mechanism that has been set in place for years.
Yesterday I had a moment of understanding. I was at a gas station waiting for the pump to finish it's duties. I was thinking about the goals I made this past week and gauging how I was doing when I had this thought. I don't need food anymore to emotionally self-medicate. When I was young and my dad had just died and my family was falling apart I could turn to food and feel better. It was all I knew. Now that I'm an adult I have many more resources. I can feel that same feeling of fulfillment and acceptance through other channels. And I listed them in my head. What makes me feel accepted and fulfilled? Exercise. Painting. Service. Good friends. Being with Logan. I could go on and on.
I'm on the threshold of change, I can feel it. Now I need to trust the process and jump. I'll never gain anything if I'm unwilling to risk.
On another note, I follow this blog called Momastery (pronounced like "monastery" but with Mom in front) . She's a gifted writer and thinker. She's christian but not mormon. I enjoy her story. She's a recovering anorexic that has really turned her life over to God. Her blog is hilarious and insightful all at once. I literally laugh through tears at times. Anyway I've linked to her recent post. It may seem a bit unruly at first but the message is great.
Right now she's going through a trial involving adopting an orphan from Africa (I think it's Africa...). She's really struggling with her relationship to God right now but this post offers some powerful perspective when dealing with trials.
I thought I'd share. Click here
Jenn,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts and that blog post with us. I have been thinking a lot lately about times in my life when I have thrown my adult temper tantrums at Heavenly Father because I wasn't getting what I thought I needed or deserved. I often hear my children say things to me during their tantrums that stop me right in my tracks as I realize I have said or done the same thing with Heavenly Father. Children are definitely and eye opener.
Yes, I can relate! I've had a hard time keeping my challenges in my brain the last two weeks. Especially since they don't fit into my regular routine that I already remember. For example, my usual exercise goal is to exercise 3 days a week, and maybe fit in a half hour walk another 1-2 days. But I never even think of exercising on Saturday--that's my Work Hard on the House and Yard day. So, it's been a challenge for me too. I think for the next round, I'm going to keep my goals to M-F, since I seriously can't seem to fit anything more into my Saturdays. I'm also working on a health challenge through my husband's work right now, and it's been confusing to remember the difference between those goals and these, so I need to figure out a way to keep it all straight. But hey, that's what we women do, right? :)
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