Back from Malfunction

Yesterday I was on the blog, and I wanted to share a little quote from a book I am reading, but alas the stars were not aligned. Poor Blogger.

The book I am reading is called Running With Angels by Pamela Hansen. She is a mother of 5 living children and 2 angel children. Her story details her life starting with the birth of her twin girls. One twin had a heart defect and didn't live long on this Earth. The main focus of her book is about overcoming her battle with obesity. As she struggled with her grief, and in dealing with subsequent children with varied health anomalies, she described using eating as her crutch to get through her trials. After the loss of her last son, she started just going out for walks. She wanted to start taking care of herself, and realized that she had been putting her family's needs before her own. Her triumph is that she lost over 100 pounds and ran the Deseret News Marathon on July 24th 2002.

Since then, she has instituted the Running with Angels 5k race. This year it is on May 21st at Thanksgiving Point. Proceeds go to the Angel Watch program that serves Utah Valley Regional Medical Center, Orem Community Hospital, and American Fork Hospital. Angel Watch is a program to help families dealing with pregnancy and birth of babies with life-threatening and life-limiting conditions. I wanted to run this race this year, but due to circumstances I won't be able to. So I am going to keep it in my thoughts for next year.

Anyway, this book is pretty inspiring, even if you have never lost a child, we all have trials and stress in our lives, which can lead us to self-destructing habits. The quote I wanted to share states: "In continually rededicating ourselves to our goal, we will recognize that a lifestyle is actually a life journey, not a destination." What this quote means is that we don't do these lifestyle changes temporarily. We don't stop once we reach a desired goal such as a certain number on the scale. These lifestyle changes are meant to be our journey for the remainder of life. Just some food for thought.

I don't know about you ladies, but I have met with a number of recent trials and struggles. I, like Pamela Hansen, have some angel babies waiting for me in Heaven. Since the birth of my son, I have had two miscarriages - one at 10 weeks, another at 14 weeks, and a stillborn baby at 28 weeks. I have no answers for the loss of my babies, only that my body failed in some way. As difficult as my losses were, I had a support system that I never even knew existed. They are the Utah Share organization and Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. They provide services to bereaved parents and families that are invaluable, just as Angel Watch does. I just want to share one more link. On KUTV 2 News they do a segment called Pay it Forward. It is a fairly new segment, and one of the first clips featured a woman named Pat Wimpee. She takes photos of stillborns and babies that die shortly after birth. She took the pictures of my baby girl, and they are a priceless gift. Pay It Forward: Utah Share

Sorry this post got a little long, but I just felt like sharing. I haven't told many people about my baby girl, and most people didn't even know I was pregnant twice last year. I guess this is my way of trying to get healthy. I tend to bottle everything up and not tell people about my struggles, because I guess in a way I don't want to make others uncomfortable around me. I know how awkward those kinds of conversations are, and I try to avoid them like the plague. It is hard not knowing the path that Heavenly Father has planned for me. However, a good friend told me a few weeks ago, that what Heavenly Father wants for me, and for all of us, is just to be happy. So in order for me to be happy, I need to heal and try to live my life without fear and self-doubt. I need to know my worth and take care of myself.

Here is one of the pictures that Pat took. It's just our hands, so you can see how little she was. Only 10 ounces and 10 inches long.